These poor saps are the ones who were erected to mismanage the activites of the Savannah Hash. However, since the SavH3 is just an informal group of people who get together for fun; and while the GMs are quite capable of screwing things up by themselves - they really do want your help in doing so. In other words, every hasher needs to pitch in to ensure that a good time is had by all at the Savannah H3! You need not be present to be erected to a position, so make sure you show up for them when they happen so you have a say in the position you get. (Erections at the SavH3 will usually occur in the month of April after the Sav H3 Green Dress Run Event)
If these wankers are too drunk to answer the phone, try contacting Ex-GM Sundae School Eh? at 567-454-7668
GM: Keep it in the family (309) 945-6843 and Big Tittie Horse Fister
The Savannah H3 GM is erected by the group as being most capable of screwing things up at the hash. The GM (Grand Master(s)/Matress(s) as appropriate) is responsible for keeping the hash running. They have to do the peoples jobs below if they don't have the motivation skills to find other hashers to do it. They will preside over calling in and blessing the hares for chalk talk before trail. They also make random and arbitrary decisions about hash activities that everyone ends up ignoring, including making sure the SavH3 Green Dress Run goes off without too many hitches.
RA: Red Velvet Vagina, Queef 'n' Cheddar, and Cloak & Gag Her
The RA (Religious Advisor) role includes running the circle after trail and being able to “punish” members of the pack for crimes they may or may not have done on trail, because they understand the expression of "Never Letting the Truth Get in the Way of a Good Story". The RA helps promote and educate the traditions to the pack. They share stories of how Hashing started with Gispert from what they read on the internet and on T-shirts; and they also tell the folk lore of what they have learned of the start of the Savannah H3. They pretend to know several hash songs and make every effort to keep the amusement and even more difficult the attention of the alcohol encouraged ADHD hashers involved. They must be able to yell and be yelled at and must also be fluent in jibberish.
Hare Raiser: A Lady, A Boy, My Ass
The Hare Raiser has the unfortunate task of trying to get a bunch of drinkers organized enough to go out and look for runs. They do their best to corner potential hares during moments of weakness (perhaps during a late night of drinking) and make them commit to setting a run weeks in advance. The Hare Raiser will interpret even the most lukewarm response to such inquiries of setting trail as a “yes”. The Hare Raiser will dilligently pay attention to the new hash members who keep coming back to the hash for some reason, to ensure that they get a trail assigned to them to hare and help them locate an experienced co-hare to help them. This will usually be about the NFHN's 5th trail or so. Savannah H3 expects the No F'ng Hash Name members to participate in at minimum of 5 trails and Co-Hare a trail before they are named. The Hare Raiser is responsible for getting the hares to do all of the appropriate things; like posting their own trail info to the groups by at least Tuesday of their trail week. The Hare Raiser is responsible for setting trail if they do not find anyone or the agreed upon hare for that weekend wanks off for some reason!
Hash Cash: All The Vagina and Spitting Centwhore
The Hash Cash portion of this job includes being the holder of the purse-strings. Someone needs to dash about the start of each hash begging for $5 from each person. Someone has to keep track of what comes in and what goes out. They are adept at knowing when to say - "yeah we can float you this week" or when to say "pay up you cheapskate". Without the money - theres no beer ;-( The Hash Cash tries to keep the hash from going in the red. Going broke is OK, owing money - bad. The hash cash reimburses the hashers who bought snacks for the on-in and for those pre-assigned persons who bought the beer.
On Sec: All The Vagina and Spitting Centwhore
The On-Sec portion of this job includes being the keeper of the records, ie - putting names in the book for who comes to trail so we know who to go looking for in the shiggy - if they are lost on trail. The On-Sec can at a moments notice let hashers know how many trails they have done with one of those new fangled spreadsheet thingys. The On-Sec will provide a list of attending hashers to the Hash Scribe so they can write about the days events. They will recognize major trail anniversary numbers for hashers at circle when they achieve them. They might even give out special awards for achieving certain number of trails with us if we get around to it.
Haberdasher: Always in Season and Queef 'n' Cheddar
With very little budget, this hasher is responsible for procuring, promoting, and selling hash gadgets, gizmos, accessories, sex toys, and items of hash apparel to the hash. Containers of undersized clothing and useless paraphernalia fill their car at every trail hoping an out-of-towner with money will show up and buy something. We also expect this person to obtain some new whistles with hash feet on them so we can give them away to our virgins. They will also keep the pack supplied with hash cards to share with prospective hashers.
Hash Scribe: Midget Rodeo
The Hash Scribe documents the shenanigans whether real or imagined at Hashing Events with witty commentary about the trail and the various awarded down downs. One of our favorite sayings used many of times in the past by one of our Savannah H3 founders, Tooth Fairy – “Never Let the Truth Get In The Way of A Good Story”. The Hash Scribe is expected to embody this expression in their ability to tell the story of trail and circle with full of truths, ½ truths, slightly true and just some made up shit to help the story along and punish the innocent. They are responsible for sending out this documentation (i.e. Hash Trash) in a timely manner (ie - before the next hash) so that those missing or away will feel like they missed something fun the week before. If they can not make trail, they need to either get another hasher who did show up for trail write it, or get the dirt from those who did attend to sufficiently make up a good story.
Hash Flash: Who Ever Has Tech On Trail
The Hash Flash captures digital images for posterity of all embarrassing hash moments. The Hash Flash must have an acute sense of the absurd to know what to take photos of, and also a small degree of reliability to bring a recommended water proof camera or one of those phones with a cool camera and video, take pictures and put only the finest thereof into the sacred photo album. This person is to be feared by all trail pissers.
BeerMeister: Pre-Party Ejaculation & Urine My Mouth
This is unquestionably the most important position in the hash. The Beermeister has the weighty responsibility of making sure that the lifeblood of hashing (properly chilled, of course) is available at each and every trail. They are expected to show up first for trail and have sufficient beverages to last through circle. The most heinous crime at the hash - is running out of beer. He keeps constant vigilance to find the cheapest spirituous fermenti available (PBR is the champagne of choice at the SavH3 - however additional varieites and choices are welcome), always has coolers in the trunk of their car, cases of beer in their garage, plastic cups stashed in every possible place and trash bags for recycle and trash. This job requires a strong back and a weak mind. It also helps to have a beer only fridge too (as once the beer gets cold - we expect it to stay that way if for some reason there is left overs from the week before). Currently the GMs have been accomplishing this task, unless the Hare Raiser talks the Hares into this task. This position is up for discussion on whether a person who regularly attends wants to accomplish this task. (The hares are always responsible for getting their own beer check beverages).
G-Spot/Drinking Practice Coordinator: And Then The Nazis Came
The Gräfenberg Spot, Gispert-Spot, G-Spot or Drinking Pratice Coordinator Duties (whichever you want to call it) includes the relentless effort to find the ever desirable spot of gratification for the hash. This search occurs on days other than a regular hash day and is to occur in a different place each time until we are successful in finding this desirable happy zone. Many hashers report that they have an erogenous zone which, when stimulated, can lead to strong satisfaction of the cerbral cortex which is known to lead to super powers, wisdom, attraction of the opposite sex as well as enabling the ability to sing and dance. This activity can happen weekly, monthly or as often as you are able to bring hashers together for consumption of the desired malted beverages without having to do trail. While beer is a nice side effect, we are particularly interested in finding Hash Virgins at this G-Spot, so business cards in hand are helpful. If an out of town hasher comes into town (not on a regular hash day) and wants to meet up, the G-Spot Coordinator will also be sought after to help with meeting our visitor for a beverage.